Interviews with the general public regarding Perry Groves

We sent our intrepid reporter out onto the streets to find out what you, the public really think of Perry.

Interview 1

Reporter: Excuse me, I’d like to ask you a few questions.
Pedestrian: Certainly.
Reporter: We’re conducting an interview about ex-Arsenal winger Perry Groves.
Pedestrian: Perry who?
Reporter: You remember. Perry Groves. That ginger-haired lightening-fast footballer. The best finisher in the game. In the late 80′s he was hot stuff. All the big clubs were after him. Wycombe, Aldershot, Acrington Stanley. But unfortunately they were put off by the high asking price of five pounds. So he stayed at Arsenal.
Pedestrian: No sorry mate. Dunno who you’re talking about.
Reporter: You must remember him. His Tintin style hair, his dashing good looks. His really long throw-ins. He was voted second best player in the first division in the 1989-90 season by the Perry Groves fan club. Narrowly losing out to Ronnie Rosenthal.
Pedestrian: No really mate, I really haven’t heard of him.
Reporter: How can you fail to instantly picture him in his shiny Arsenal shorts and skin-tight shirt. Besides, he’s still pretty big today if you follow the Farley’s Rusks Sunday League third division.
Pedestrian: Listen, I’ve told you already. I don’t have a clue in the world what you’re on about.
Reporter: What are you then? A social recluse? don’t you know style when you see it. I suppose you prefer tennis or something. Can’t follow a man’s sport like football. You’re a nobody. And you haven’t even heard of Perry Groves.
Pedestrian: I don’t need to stand around to be be insulted by the likes of you.
Reporter: gaylord.
Pedestrian: Right that’s it.
At this point the pedestrian needlessly attacked our dazed reporter. This was a completely unprovoked attack on a poor man simply trying to do his job. Let this be a warning to you. There are people out there who aren’t, like us, Perry Groves fans. And they are violent wicked people. Stay away from them.
Interview terminated

Well, that didn’t go as well as expected. But never one to give up, our reporter tried a few more unsuspecting locals.

Interview 2

Reporter: Excuse me madam, I’d like to ask you a couple of questions about ex-Arsenal attacker Perry Groves.
Woman: Sorry? Perry who?
Reporter: Never mind. Er, excuse me sir, you haven’t heard of Perry Groves have you?
Man: Sorry, no I haven’t.
Reporter: Say there sonny, I suppose you’re a bit too young, but you haven’t heard of Perry Groves?
Kid: Help mum! Stranger stranger!
Reporter: No no no don’t worry about it.
Reporter runs away.

Interview 3

Reporter: There must be someone round here who knows who Perry Groves is. Madam? Do you know Perry?
Lady: Oh yes, wonderful lad. Never really fulfilled his talent however. He’s always played to the crowds though. They love him.
Reporter: So you’re a big football fan then?
Lady: What’s football got to do with it. I was talking about Perry, Martha Groves’ son. The violinist.
Reporter: Oh.
Local guy: Excuse me, did I hear the name Perry Groves. The fooballer. I love Perry Groves. He’s the best footballer that ever was. I loved his tight shiny kit, and his hair was the best. Look, I tried to copy it myself. Do you remember how far he could throw the ball? I’ve never seen a player throw a football so high and far. He was the best. He was so good I think Bros were after him too. They’re my favourite band, Bros. I still go and watch him every Sunday at Framley Town Wanderers. The journey takes me four hours, but it’s worth it. Of course he’s slowed down a bit since he’s had the accident with the hair gel.
Actually I was thinking of making a website in his honour. What do you think?
Reporter: I, er, don’t think that’s a very good idea. I doubt anyone would visit it.
Local guy: I reckon I’m the greatest Perry Groves fan in the world.
Reporter: Ahem, no you’re not.
Local guy: Am too!
Reporter: NOT!
At this point another unfortunate, violent incident broke out, involving the interviewer and interviewee.
Interview terminated

Comments are closed.