weloveperry.com The Official Unofficial Perry Groves Website

Dear Gerald, I am struggling with feelings or jealousy towards my brother, who has become a Hollywood film star.

Dear Gerald, I am attempting to imitate the recent facial hair growth by my favourite ex-Arsenal wild winger Perry Groves, but am struggling to trim my full bushy beard into the fine strand that Perry so delicately sports.

Dear Gerald, I am struggling to acheive distance, height and deadly accuracy in my throw-ins.

Dear Gerald, I am struggling to acheive volume, silkiness and deadly bounce in my hair.

Dear Gerald, I am being mercilessly but fairly bullied with names such as ‘Ginger Snaps, Ginger Nuts, Ginger Tosser, Tintin, Ginger Minger, Copper Nob, Sailor, Greaseball, Shiny Shorts, Captain Haddock, Orange Peel, Grubby Grundies and Gaylord’ due to my fine auburn locks.

The exciting adventures of Pere, Arsenal’s newest recruit.

Here is a picture sent in by Alex, who attends Colchester Royal Grammar School (ooooh!).