Well it might interest you to know that as well as not managing Celtic football club, ex-Liverpool stalwart John Barnes also runs a childminding service.
And not only will your kids be treated alright, but JOHN BARNES himself will personally tutor them in soccer skills.

Hi, I’m John Barnes. In my time at Liverpool, I faced some of the best keepers in the world. I also faced John ‘Lucky Bounce’ Lukic. Here he gives us some indipensible goal saving tips.

1. The winger fires in a dangerous cross.

2. Luckily, the forward taps the ball straight at you.

3. All you have to do is bend down and pick it up.

4. bollocks.

5. If all else fails, jump on the ball and pretend it didn’t cross the line.

As John Barnes, one of my colleagues I admired most was Ronnie ‘Rampaging Rocket’ Rosenthal. Here he gives us a few tips on how to be the perfect marksman. So, over to you Ronnie.

1. A high ball’s coming over from defence. Your alertness will help you make a well-timed run avoiding the offside.

2. With the ball under control, get yourself ready to take on the custodian.

3. Well done you beat the keeper. Good skills.

4. You’ve done all the hard work and earned an open goal. All you need to do now is slot the ball home.

5. But wait!

6. You hit the crossbar. You forgot you were Ronnie Rosenthal didn’t you? A free transfer to Framley Town Wanderers beckons.

My mother always said ‘a good cook is like a rottweiler, but not a dog of course!’ I never quite got what she meant, but I like cooking. Here’s a recipe which has been passed down through the Barnes family for generations. It’s very similar to shepherd’s pie, but with a special ‘John Barnes’ surprise. You’ll find out what it is at the end.

Ingredients

Mashed Potato (just like I mashed all my opponents!)
Spices (like the spice I added to the Liverpool team!)
Sliced Carrots (remember how I would slice through those defences!)
Worcestershire Sauce (though it wasn’t just the Worcestershire girls who found me saucy!)
A twist of Lemon (I used to twist and turn down that wing too didn’t I!)
and
Mince.

Directions

Fry the mince until it is nice and brown. Add the spices and sauce. Make the mash while it is cooking. Add the carrots and lemon juice to the mince. Now put the mince in a bowl.
Put the mash on top of the mince. But here’s the surprise! Put the mash in the shape of the letters ‘JB’ (for John Barnes). Now put the pie in a preheated oven (make sure it is really hot, just like my soccer skills!) and cook for 20 mins until golden on top (just like my goals!).
Now invite a few friends round to help you eat the pie.